A Reader Asks - Part 2: Eye-Openers

The Conversion of St. Paul - Parmigianino

We'll continue on with the next question I received about my conversion from a reader, concerning ways in which I was helped to come to a better understanding of the faith.

The reader asks:

[I was wondering] what things in particular (of course, prayer and faith are givens!) you found to be the key to an "aha!" moment?

I think there are several different phases within my faith journey, and the answer probably changes depending on where I was.

At the earliest and very initial stages, the biggest aha moments I had - and this is going to probably sound ridiculously obvious - were when I truly listened to and considered the other side's argument.

Prior to this I had the awful habit of what I'd call offensive listening. I wasn't really listening to hear what the other person was saying, I was listening only to find my next point of attack. There wasn't really any need to genuinely understand the point, because, very simply, I already knew they were wrong.

But something - undoubtedly God's grace - nudged me to actually listen to and consider the other points. To me, it was like taking off the CoC pair of glasses through which I'd always viewed the world, and tentatively peeking through Catholic glasses. It was playing "What If" and in doing so, being suddenly able to see pieces of the puzzle falling into place all around me which hadn't made sense in my former world view.

Once I made this more of a habit, and really began considering views other than my own, most of my aha moments came just from reading well-written books about the faith. So often, some basic point would be made, some simple reference to scripture tied to some Catholic belief, the simplicity and clarity of which would almost make me gasp in awe.

Yet another way my eyes were opened suddenly was through looking at history. Seeing descriptions from the earliest centuries of mass, and especially discussions about the Eucharist made me understand very clearly Bl. John Cardinal Newman's wise words, "To be steeped in history is to cease to be protestant."

As I progressed and began tentatively participating in Catholic life, seeing the beliefs I'd been devouring through the written word actually come to life around me in the mass and other devotions was very often an eye-opening experience. It helped me realize that there really is something humanly necessary about incarnating our beliefs in action, about doing rather than just mentally assenting to or holding a belief. Even more poignant than seeing others do such things around me was doing them myself. Talking about kneeling if Jesus were here in front of you is nice, but actually lowering yourself to kneel in front of Jesus in the Eucharist is humbling in a way like no other. Sometimes, when you don't understand something from the outside, you have to just jump in and DO, and then no words are necessary, understanding comes.

Even now, I continue to have such moments where things just click and I understand a long-held belief in a new way, and most of these probably happen through either participating in some liturgical action or through reading since that is my preferred way of learning new things! But yes, constant prayer is certainly important as well, specifically asking for guidance from the Holy Spirit. I think that's probably one of those prayers God always says yes to. ;-)

Was there anything in particular that helped to give you sudden clarity? Do share!

We'll cover the final question in the next post, so come back soon!

A Reader Asks - Part 1: Difficulties

Conversion of St. Paul - Murillo
I always find hearing about other people's faith journeys extremely fascinating. I love hearing about the similarities in thought processes, and also noting the differences. What one person found difficult to understand or accept along the way, another person may not have had a problem with at all. But, more often than not, especially when people are coming from similar backgrounds, there are striking similarities. As such, it can be helpful for those potential converts still in the midst of muddling through Catholic beliefs, trying to make heads and tails of so much new information, to know what it is others struggled with, what helped them and gave clarity along the way, and what they had to just take on faith.

I was recently asked just this by a reader of my blog and forum with whom I've enjoyed a bit of correspondence, and thought it would be a great chance to share it on my blog as well. :-) I'll cover each question in a different post, starting with the first.

The reader writes:

I was wondering what in particular you found the hardest to accept about the catholic faith during that long process

My answer to this probably stems from my "thinking" style personality, because as far as Church teachings went, all the arguments I read were so convincing to me that I simply can't recall being completely unconvinced on any one teaching or struggling to accept it. Once I had been convinced of the huge foundational matter of Magisterial authority, once I accepted that God didn't just write down rules for us to follow but actually gave us a living authority to guide and teach us, accepting what that authority taught almost came with a sense of relief. I didn't have to figure everything out on my own, Christ instituted and left us a guide, protected by the Holy Spirit! Hooray! Even more than that, what this authority taught sounded logical and was clearly steeped in wisdom, and further it opened up scripture to me in ways I'd never dreamt possible. But, that didn't mean my feelings kept up with my head!

For me the hardest part was grappling with residual feelings and gut reactions which I'd had all my life. For instance, one minor belief in the grand scheme of things but one which sticks in my mind as being particularly difficult was the matter of drinking alcohol. I'd been taught my whole life that it was poison, inherently and intrinsically evil. Daily evidence on the news of drunk drivers killing innocent people, drunk husbands beating wives, and college kids dying of alcohol poisoning at parties made it easy to accept that alcohol was indeed an evil, with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I can honestly say I was never tempted by friends or circumstance to drink, because it just wasn't a part of my life and from where I stood it was only ever associated with negative outcomes.

Because of this, during the course of my conversion, while I did find the historical, biblical, and theological arguments in favor of alcohol to be logical and convincing, I still just had a mental hangup with it. I mean, obviously I knew that accepting that alcohol wasn't intrinsically evil didn't mean I had to start drinking myself, but it made my stomach churn to even think of having a husband who drank! I just didn't want to be anywhere near the stuff!

What finally helped me move past this knee-jerk reaction was realizing that alcohol ≠ drunkenness.

I was able to see responsible drinking modeled, especially in my not-yet-husband's French family. I could see that for them, appreciating a good wine was just a part of being thankful for God's many gifts, the way they were for the delicious food on the table as well. To this day, I can't say that I've ever seen my husband drunk, and while I generally don't drink much myself (unless something is sugary sweet, I just can't abide the taste, lol), I no longer have those knee jerk reactions. As with anything, moderation is key, and while scripture does condemn drunkenness, and while I still believe that abusing alcohol can and does often have tragic consequences, I have no doubt that alcohol is not the intrinsic evil I once thought it was.

Another quick example of my feelings not keeping up with my head is on the matter of Marian devotion. If you haven't read it, Mark Shea does an EXCELLENT (and often quite humorous) job describing the deep seated gut reactions we converts have against Marian devotions in the third book of his trilogy, Mary, Mother of the Son. I could identify with so much of what he said, it was spot on. While I'd accepted the teachings on Mary, while I was amazed at the beauty of these teachings and how every one of them ultimately pointed back to Christ, seeing the outrageous, too-colorful, too-flowery devotions of Catholics (and especially Catholics from other cultures) just made me want to get up and run away. After being raised in an environment where even a plain cross on the wall was viewed as unacceptable to God for graven image reasons, seeing such blatant and visually overwhelming love-bombs for Mary was a scary thing!

Some of getting over this visceral reaction was just getting used to the aesthetics around me, but some of it was also learning not to judge others' hearts or intentions. I would remind myself that it was not my place to judge whether this person was honoring Mary above God, and even if I wanted to I couldn't see their heart. I reminded myself that nothing I'd read from the Magisterium concerning doctrinal matters on Mary ever came close to elevating her above Christ. And most of all, I gazed at paintings of Mary looking at and pointing to her Son, and reminded myself that even *if* some people were going overboard in their devotion to her, Mary herself would guide them closer to Christ, because that is what she does.

So those stick out in my mind as some of the toughest parts of my conversion, I suppose it is always difficult to undo a lifetime of ingrained knee-jerk reactions and strong feelings. Thanks be to God, I feel that due to the Church's teachings on such things I now have a healthier and more balanced understanding of the reality. It's often easier to forbid something outright than to try and have it in moderation, which requires self-control and temperance. We've all been there...throw all the cookies away, get rid of them!! That typically seems easier than having them there as an option and having to practice self control. But while that may work temporarily, often those who focus on appreciating one good cookie now and then do better in the long run. The cookie isn't evil, but abusing the cookie is. ;-)

So how about you? If you're a convert or perhaps a revert, I'd love to hear what some of the hardest parts about converting were for you. :-)

I'll continue with the next question in my next post, so stay tuned!

Confirmation Before Communion?

Bishop Aquila of Fargo recently explained why he feels it would be better to move confirmation to an earlier age, and to be done before First Communion. I thought he made some excellent points:

Should the gift and strengthening of the Holy Spirit be denied young persons in their most formative years?” he asked.

Bishop Aquila also wondered whether the special attention and length of preparation given to confirmation makes many perceive it to be more important than baptism and the Eucharist.

The view that confirmation is a way for young people to make a personal commitment to their faith “distorts” the sacrament, he said.

“Confirmation is not marked by a choice to believe or not believe in the Catholic faith. Rather, as disciples, we are chosen by God to receive the fullness of the Holy Spirit, to be sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit generously bestowed by God, and we are called to cooperate with that grace,” he explained.

Confirmation confers a gift of the Holy Spirit that is ordered to “the life of worship,” the bishop said while summarizing Catholic thought. It helps the person achieve a “more perfect integration” into the body of Christ. This helps us understand how confirmation is ordered to the Eucharist.

In this light, it appears “odd” to have someone participate in the Eucharistic life of the Church if he or she has not received “the seal of the Holy Spirit, which perfects the personal bond with the community.”

I think he makes an excellent case, personally. I was first made aware of this perspective through some of the ladies on the NFP board, and since then it has seemed to me that the way things are set up now, Confirmation is often seen as "Catholic graduation." The problem with this is first, that it sends the message that confirmation refers to the teen growing up, maturing, and "confirming" their faith as their own choice, when in fact confirmation is Christ confirming US, it's a gift to us and not something we are doing ourselves. Secondly, as "Catholic graduation" it gives the impression that once you are confirmed, you're done learning about the faith, the way you're done with school when you graduate. In fact, confirmation should be the very beginning of a more involved faith life.

I also agree with the Bishop that typically, 7-8 year olds are much more likely to be receptive to faith, to the Holy Spirit, to learning about God and loving God than teenagers who often tend to be in a rebellious stage of life. Not only that, but why not send our young people out into the world with the best possible and most complete protection we have? The more grace they are armed with, the better chance they will be able to conquer the many temptations of the world. Children are being confronted with worldly temptations earlier than ever, I think. Waiting until the later teens to confirm someone seems like completely missing an opportunity to help them live a more virtuous life in a world which makes it extremely difficult to begin with. The more grace, the earlier, the better!

It makes sense to me, anyway! I think the bishop makes a great case, and I, for one, would love to see a trend towards earlier confirmation. What do you think?

Help Me Blog!

Hello friends! I know it has been a long while since I've posted here, as usual life happens and distractions keep me from fulfilling my intentions. Recently, I've been blogging quite regularly, but on my sewing blog. What has helped me keep this up is having a series and a weekly goal, knowing what is coming up next and what I'm going to be blogging about before I do it.

Originally, I started this blog as a way to work through and set to "paper" the many issues I dealt with upon my conversion. It was a great help and I didn't have many problems finding topics to write about or just being randomly inspired by some subject. But because I relied on sporadic inspiration, when that didn't come I just didn't write.

Part of the reason, as well, is that as the years have gone by and as I've lived the Catholic life more and more, the need I felt to write about my former beliefs has diminished. I love my Catholic faith more than ever, I'm convinced of its truth more than ever, and I'm just generally content! This is a great thing, but it also means there's nothing pressing me to write, lol.

With that being said, I do still want this to be an active blog! I've recently been feeling nudges and seeing signs out of the blue pointing me here, making me think I need to make this blog a priority and keep at it.

So, with that in mind I'm asking you, my dear readers, to help me out! I'd like to start making a deliberate effort to plan posts and write about subjects you will find interesting. While I do like to follow generally Catholic issues and topics, I do still want to keep my niche of seeings these things through the unique lens of having a CoC background. There are a million and a half just generally Catholic blogs, but only a handful with that unique viewpoint. So, what would you like to read about? I'll consider anything and everything related to the faith somehow. I particularly like the idea of having series of posts, because I'm much more likely to have a plan and stick with it! (That's what has helped me on the sewing blog.) Any ideas for a series of posts you'd like to read? (For instance, the last one I did here was The Church's Toolbox for Lent a couple years back.)

Thank you so much for sharing this little corner of the internet with me, I can't tell you how much it means to me when people find anything I write worth spending the time to read. I'm sorry I've been such a slacker, but with your help I hope to remedy that! Looking forward to hearing your suggestions. :-)

Just Because...

Just wanted to share this video with some lovely images of prayer cards, set to the music of the film Les Choristes by Bruno Coulais. If you haven't seen this film, go rent it and watch it! It's a beautiful story and the music is divine. :-)